Runaway Train
by Kazet
Summary: A songfic bout Duo and Heero. Duo gives up hope after the war is over.
1. Runaway Train

A/N: Don't you hate these things? I'll make it short. Go easy on me. I've never written a GW fic or a death fic before so go easy on me. Oh yeah and I forgot. It's a songfic and I've never written one of those either. Hehe so this is a major first for me. I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out tho. I changed my mind, I'm not happy and that's why I rewrote it. So here's the rewrite. Umm well I rewrote it again. There's going to be a part two. I'm sorry but I like happy endings! And uh, I'll probably unmake this a songfic. I don't like it as one, so maybe I'll just add all the lyrics on at the end of part one.  
  
Note: At the moment brain seems to have stopped working and I can't remember what these things are called where you say that you don't own whatever it is that you're writing about. But I still have to say it anyway so here goes. I don't own Gundam Wing unfortunately. I don't happen to remember who does either but I'm sure they know and I give them credit. Oh and the Song "Runaway Train" is by Soul Asylum.  
  
DISCLAIMER!!!! That's what the word that thing is called! Okay well the thing right above this is my disclaimer. Please don't sue! I'm saving my money for Prismacolors coloured pencils. Hehe I remembered the word. It just took me a couple minutes of thinking bout other stuff!  
  
Thank you Duoforever and and and. grrr. Thank you the other person who reviewed too! Yeah in the actual thing they had been in italics I keep forgetting that FF.Net reverts everything back. But I fixed it. Thanks for letting me know. (  
  
-~*^*~- = change of scene or time  
  
//.// = lyrics  
  
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hr noshade size=10 width=75%"Omae O Korosu," a deep sleepy voice crept across from the other end of the line. Heero Yuy definitely did not like being woken up at 2:43 in the morning unless it was for a mission, but there would be no more of them. There hadn't been one in over a year. For that Heero was glad, they had finally achieved peace.  
  
"Hiya, Hee-chan! Sorry I woke you up but I couldn't sleep," Duo sat in the middle of his bed, a sheet swirled around him like a soft violet ocean. He clung to the phone like a life line, fingers gripping the chord that already tangled around him. He wished that he and Heero were still sharing a room in some perfectly chosen school dormitory or at a safe house. Then he could have curled up in his partner's bed feigning having had a nightmare. He probably would have been shot if he had actually tried, but just being in the same room always gave him that little extra bit of comfort that kept him from slipping over the deep end.  
  
"Hn. Baka. Go to bed," Heero gave the phone his best death glare wishing it would explode and slightly surprised in his tired state that it hadn't at least trembled like most people did. Well, most other than Duo. He feared nothing. Not even death for Shinigami was his friend, his partner. There was no other explanation for him being able to do some of the things he did, like using a thermal scythe underwater. By all rights that should have been impossible.  
  
"I just told you that I couldn't sleep! Don't you ever listen to anything I say?" Duo forced his voice to hide how deeply Heero's actions hurt. Heero wouldn't understand. He'd only call him a baka again. Like always. Why did he even bother with the machine? He held the tears back with no little effort. He would not cry. That was a promise he'd made to himself long ago. A promise he'd broken numerous times.  
  
"Hn," Heero wondered to himself why the baka kept doing this kind of thing to him. Why the boy kept getting Heero's hopes up. As far as Heero knew, Duo was straight. After all how could he be so lucky with the girls if he was gay? Yes, Duo was definitely straight. Anyone that perfect just had to be. Right? The stupid baka must just be using him as entertainment. Heero hoped that he was at least getting a good laugh at his expense. Well, he wasn't going to make it any easier for him. He gave a last glare to the phone.  
  
Duo heard the distinct click of the phone being hung up and cursed himself for being weak, for loving someone who would never love him back. Now that the war was over, no one needed him anymore. He was alone. Trowa and Quatre had each other, WuFei had Sally and Heero didn't need anyone, just his laptop. He felt like the proverbial 3rd wheel. Only in this case he was the seventh.  
  
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Duo had tried calling Heero just to say hello. well, that was partly true. He had wanted to learn whether or not the rumors were true. Apparently they were much to Duo's dismay. Heero was planning on marrying Releena. He even had the gall to ask Duo to be the best man and to be happy for him. Heero just didn't understand that both requests were beyond his capabilities. He had tried to ask him why he was marrying the girl when he couldn't stand her, but Heero had just replied with his usual monotone saying it didn't matter, it was none of his business. Duo had pleaded silently with his eyes for more of an answer, but either Heero hadn't noticed the real question lying in the violet orbs or he just hadn't cared. Either option had sent a spear of pain through him, straight to his heart. Heero had been like a light to him and all Duo had wanted him to do was to give some inclination that he returned even a fraction of the feelings he had to the stoic pilot. It seemed as if Heero had broken him. If it had been up to Duo to chose who he loved, it would never have been Heero. He would have chosen Shinigami. After all, it was He who had always been by his side when he needed someone. So why did he have to love Heero?  
  
His pale hand shook as it pressed the button to end the call on the vid screen. The owner couldn't believe what had just happened, the words that had come out of Heero's lips. His life was over as he knew it, his last hope at finding happiness, stolen. What did he have left now? No, Duo wasn't overreacting. At least, not by his own standards since the war had ended. He wondered why he could no longer force himself to be cheerful all the time. It used to be so easy. Maybe it was just because there was no longer a real need for it. The other pilots no longer needed him to distract them from the seriousness of their situations. Or maybe it was because his Partner wanted him to finally join him. It was probably just as well. At this point he wouldn't argue with Shinigami. As far as he was concerned, He was free to take him any time.  
  
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Heero tossed and turned in his bed reliving the terrible anguish he had seen on Duo's beautiful face. It had been so hard not to tell him the truth. Only Quatre knew his darkest secret. Heero was in love Duo Maxwell. Heero never once allowed himself to believe that Duo might possibly harbor the same feelings towards himself. But now he wasn't so certain. Did Duo somehow feel something for him? Was he doing the right thing by marrying Releena? Or was the right thing telling Duo the truth? Didn't he at least owe him that much? To let the angel make up his own mind? After that last call, he wasn't entirely positive that Duo was straight anymore. He was sure that the boy had wanted to tell him something important. and if Duo was straight then why would it have looked like his heart was breaking when Heero had told him the news?  
  
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Duo curled himself up in a fetal position trying to dispel the darkness threatening him. He had tried valiantly not to cry. He really had, but some things just beg to have tears shed for them. The thought of losing the one you love most, the one you lived for certainly qualified on Duo's list. Again he had broken that promise. He had lost track of the number of times it had been shattered. Duo couldn't think of a single reason why he should bother living now that Heero was gone. Heero had been the only reason that he had lived through the war in the first place. He had always hoped that the other pilot would realize the way he felt and that he would feel the same way. He knew it was stupid, but that hadn't stopped him from wishing that it could happen. He was a gundam pilot. The odds were almost always against him and yet somehow he always came out on top, He had just assumed that this would be no different.  
  
He shuddered as he picked up the knife. This really wasn't how he had expected to die, at his own hand. He had always thought that he would die during the war. He thought it ironic that he could live through fighting a war, but he couldn't live through love. Love wasn't supposed to kill people, it was supposed to save them. It was supposed to be the reason they lived, not the reason they died. How had things become so messed up.  
  
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Heero sighed. He knew what he had to do no matter how risky it was. He wasn't very worried about the consequences with Releena. The only thing that would change was him. Releena probably expected him to threaten to kill her on their wedding day anyway. Why would she be surprised if he didn't show up at all? She'd just hunt him down anyway and try again, so Heero really wasn't worried that he was missing out on anything. However, he was worried that Duo truly didn't think of him as anything more than a friend. If he didn't, then Heero didn't know how he'd ever be able to face the braided pilot again.  
  
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He squeezed his eyes shut as he made the first cut. He was too ashamed, but he gained his strength after it had been made. There was no turning back now. Now that he had started it, it wasn't as hard to watch, the pain numbing his senses. He watched as his blood dripped onto the floor of the wooden porch only to be swiftly soaked up. He had tried to stop loving Heero, but he hadn't been able to. It was like a runaway train on a one way track through life. Once it started, it couldn't be stopped, unless it crashed. And Duo was about to take that crash. It was strange he thought. He had always believed that love was supposed to be a good thing. It was supposed to bring life. So how come it was taking his away? Duo was glad he was alone. There was no way that he could force himself to smile, to be cheerful. In truth he hadn't been able to for a while now. The closest thing to his manic grin he could accomplish was a sneer directed at himself. He was weak as WuFei would say. He was taking the weak way out and he knew it, but he just couldn't bear to live with loving Heero and not having him. All he had had was hope and now that had been taken away. Heero was marrying Releena. "I'm sorry Father Maxwell, Sister Helen, Solo. Heero," Duo whispered, face turned up to the sky. He winced as another cut was made.  
  
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Heero prayed that he wouldn't be too late. He knew the cheerfulness Duo always showed was just an act. He couldn't even count the number of times that he had heard Duo cry out in his sleep. He wondered how he could be so callous to an angel. Even if he was the angel of death, he had still been an angel. But could he ever be ihis/i angel? Heero disregarded every traffic sign he came upon. No one was out anyway. Everyone was off at the church where he was supposed to be. No. That was wrong. He was going to exactly where he was supposed to be. With Duo.  
  
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Duo had long since stopped trying to determine whether or not he was truly crying. With the rain pouring down around him, his entire face was wet anyways. If he did happen to be crying, he figured the rain would provide well enough cover to hide it. He could deny his tears mingled with the rain. He sent up a silent prayer to Shinigami asking him that he take his soul before the pain fully sunk in. There was no turning back. Ruby red blood seeped from the various cuts covering his entire body. He watched the rivulets run down his arms almost as if in awe as it joined into one stream and dripped onto the floor mixing with the rain water. So this was it. He hoped that Heero would be happy with Releena. They deserved each other. Both were completely oblivious to the feelings of others.  
  
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Heero wished he had been able to read his own emotions sooner. Maybe then he wouldn't have seen that hurt look on Duo's face. He had known for a while that he loved Duo, but he had been too afraid. He had just started to realize how much attention Duo had actually bestowed up him compared to the other pilots. Would Duo have spent that much time with him if he hadn't felt anything? His foot pressed the pedal further, causing the car to rapidly gain speed. He couldn't explain it, but he felt a sense of urgency.  
  
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He could feel himself getting weaker the longer he sat there marking his skin. Each cut deeper than the last. Nothing short of a miracle would save him now and he had already used up his miracles before the war had even started. How else would he be the only survivor of the Maxwell Church Massacre? How else would the stowaway have survived to become a Gundam pilot instead of being killed? Duo laughed bitterly. It just had to have started raining didn't it? It hadn't been raining when he had stepped out onto his back porch. It had only started after he made the first cut, as if the heavens were crying for him. But Duo was beyond caring. Death was so much easier than the pain of living. ...And Shinigami was waiting for him with open arms. He started shivering as the cold finally started seeping into his weakened body. "I'm sorry." Duo whispered as he collapsed onto the floor blinded by his misery. He never heard the chime of the doorbell or the following knocks from inside the house, nor did he hear the door being kicked in and feet running though the house searching for him. He continued watching his blood flow freely in fascination as the wood soaked it up. He never noticed when the knife slipped from his trembling fingers or when warm arms cradled his pale, chill form close to their chest. "Duo." Hope surged through Heero as he saw the violet eyes flutter open. Maybe everything would be okay after all. It didn't look like there was much blood, but it could have been washed away by the rain. "He... Hee-chan?" Duo's eyes filled with confusion. Why was Heero there? He was supposed to be with Releena. It was their wedding day. "Wh'...bou'...'Leena?" his voice slurred and his eyes drifted shut again. He thanked Shinigami for being kind and sending Heero's to be the last face he saw. It wasn't much, but it was enough. "Duo, please don't leave me. Ai.. Ai shiteru, Duo. Ai shiteru," Heero felt a tear make a path down his cheek as he watched the last breath make its way past Duo's parted lips. If only he had gotten there a little sooner.  
Two Years Later: Heero never had married Releena, though it wasn't from lack of trying on Releena's part. He hadn't been able to do it. He hoped it had been the right decision to make. It felt right. He was happy, if a bit lonely for his soul mate, but happy nonetheless. Heero had started the orphanage in memory of Duo Maxwell, his beloved friend whom had died too soon. He liked to think that wherever Duo was, that he was watching and smiling, truly smiling. Duo had smiled honestly too little in his memories. Heero smiled down at the cherubic face of the child sitting on his knee, listening with the utmost attention to the story that he was being told. The child was going on and on about the substitute teacher they had had that day. They had thought it was a girl at first because of his long braid until the man had laughed when someone had called him Miss Maxwell. ~Owari~ TBC? *Please Please PLEASE review! I've never written a deathfic, songfic or a GW fic before for that matter so I wanna know how it came out. PLEASE R&R! I'll love you forever! Tips on writing are appreciated!  
  
//Call you up in the middle of the night like a firefly without a light you were there like a blowtorch burning I was a key that could use a little turning  
  
So tired that I couldn't even sleep So many secrets I couldn't keep Promised myself I wouldn't weep One more promise I couldn't keep  
  
It seems no one can help me now I'm in too deep There's no way out This time I have really led myself astray  
  
Runaway train never going back Wrong way on a one way track Seems like I should be getting somewhere Somehow neither here nor there  
  
Can you help me remember how to smile Make it somehow all seem worthwhile How on earth did I get so jaded? Life's mystery seems so faded  
  
I can go where no one else can go I know what no one else knows Here I am just drownin' in the rain With a ticket for a runaway train  
  
And everything seems cut and dry Day and night, earth and sky Somehow I just don't believe it  
  
Runaway train never going back Wrong way on a one way track Seems like I should be getting somewhere Somehow neither here nor there  
  
Bought a ticket for a runaway train Like a madman laughin' at the rain Little out of touch, little insane Just easier than dealing with the pain  
  
Runaway train never going back Wrong way on a one way track Seems like I should be getting somewhere Somehow neither here nor there  
  
Runaway train never comin' back Runaway train tearin' up the track Runaway train burnin' in my veins Runaway but it always seems the same///hr noshade size=10 width=75% 


	2. Miss' Maxwell

hr noshade size=10 width=75%Author's Note: I had to!!! I'm Sorry! I could just let Duo be gone forever! I love him too much. And a reviewer happened to mention a continuation about Heero meeting the sub. Hehehe. So I decided to add a second chappy.  
  
Disclaimer: not mine. I wish. But Zeta and Psi are! Hehehe. They're two of my babies. Actually a pic of Zeta is up on Elfwood. I'll fig out the actual addy for his pic then I'll stick it here. Now enjoy!  
  
Two Years Later: Heero never had married Releena. He hadn't been able to do it. He hoped it had been the right decision to make. It felt right. He was happy if a bit lonely for his soul mate, but happy nonetheless. Heero had started the orphanage in memory of Duo Maxwell, his beloved friend whom had died too soon. He liked to think that wherever Duo was, that he was watching and smiling. Heero smiled down at the cherubic face of the child sitting on his knee, listening with the utmost attention to the story that he was being told. The child was going on and on about the substitute teacher they had had that day. They had thought it was a girl at first because of his long braid until the man had laughed when someone had called him Miss Maxwell.  
  
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"He has the same name as the orph'nage. Isn't that cool?" the small blonde asked eagerly, bouncing up and down slightly on Heero's lap. "Very," Heero smiled softly. It couldn't be Duo. It was just a coincidence. He had held Duo in his arms as he took his last breath. There was no way. His eyes closed a moment, a picture of Duo appearing before him mentally. His stunned and pleased face when he had called out his name. Duo had been so happy that he had remembered it. It was the first and one of the few genuine smiles that Heero had ever seen on his friend's beautiful face and it had been two years since the last. No matter how much he had tried to forget the day Duo had died, the image of that soft sweet smile on the pale boy's lips when he had told him that he loved him would never be forgotten. "He used to live in an orph'nage too. He told us. He told us iall/i 'bout him," the small child's voice was filled with a reverence for the substitute teacher. Obviously, the boy had found himself a hero, someone to look up to, that he could relate to. "Oh?" It was just a coincidence, nothing more. Heero opened his eyes. If he kept looking at the picture of Duo, another would appear, one he didn't want to remember. He really hadn't seen that much blood, not at least anyway until he had gone back after the ground had dried. The porch was permanently stained red. "Yeah, it was at the Maxwell Church, you know the one that got destroyed on L2 when the war started? He used to live there. He was little when he got there and didn't know his name, so when it was destroyed he made up his own name. He named himself after the priest that ran the orphanage. Do you think he's related to the guy you named this orphanage after?" the small boy's older brother asked. Zeta was quickly approaching his teens. He had brought himself and his little brother, Psi, there shortly after Heero had opened the orphanage. Their parents had been killed the year before and they had been living on the streets until Heero had taken them in. He had been worried about Psi at first, but he had been adjusting much better the past year and was beginning to enjoy life again. "I don't know. I didn't think Duo had any relatives," he murmured. He was positive that Duo hadn't had any relatives. Duo wasn't even his real name. Neither was Maxwell. The substitute teacher couldn't be related to him, but there had only been one survivor in that massacre. "His name was Duo? Really?" bright violet eyes lit up in excitement. "Yes, why?" Heero asked hesitantly. This conversation was starting to unnerve him. The wound was still too raw from Duo's death. He still blamed himself. "That's what the sub'stute teacher told us to call him 'cause Mr. Maxwell made him feel old," the little blond boy giggled. "He said he wanted to meet you 'cause he wants you to show him the new Maxwell orphanage. He's thinkin' 'bout helping you out," Zeta smiled. "He's really nice and he's good with kids and you keep saying how you need more help now that it's getting bigger. I told him to stop by later. That you wouldn't mind. You don't, do you?" "So I have. And no I don't mind. I think I would like to meet this Duo. Did he say when he was going to visit?" Heero tried to calm down his racing heart. Duo was dead. He couldn't afford to start hoping for the impossible. His head shot up as he heard the doorbell ring. "It's him!" Psi shrieked cheerfully, hopping off Heero's lap and running to the door, bouncing on the balls of his feet excitedly. "Come on Heero! Let him in!" he whined impatiently. He wasn't about to get in trouble for opening the door when it could be his hero on the other side. He didn't want to miss him. "Zeta, open the door for him, please. I'll be right behind you," Heero instructed the braided youth. Zeta reminded him so much of Duo. He was lively and possessed a metre length braid, albeit it was bright violet and white, but it was still a braid. He also had a zeal for destruction. Heero sighed as he recalled the numerous incidences caused by Zeta and his mischief. Zeta ran, grinning as he opened the door to the figure in black. Heero sat there a moment, gaining his courage. There was nothing to be afraid of. The dead couldn't come back to life. It simply wasn't Duo. "DUO!" Psi screamed launching himself into the man's arms who just laughed and settled the boy on his hip. "We told Heero all 'bout you! Did you know he named the orph'nage after a Duo too?!" "I had no idea," the soft rich voice murmured, violet eyes watching Heero's approach, something akin to amusement in his eyes. That voice. Those eyes. Heero paused. It couldn't be. He took a deep breath and closed the distance between himself and the three figures. "Hello, Mr. Maxwell," he nodded his head politely. "Duo, please. Mr. Maxwell makes me feel old," Duo held out his hand, smiling as Heero took it. "Alright. Duo it is. You may call me Heero," Heero took Psi from Duo's grasp and shooed the boy and his brother out of the room so he could talk to Duo alone. "You were thinking about working here?" "Yes. I wanted to give back what the Maxwell orphanage gave to me." Prussian blue eyes narrowed angrily at the man. "You lie. Only one boy survived the Maxwell Church Massacre. That boy died two years ago. This Orphanage was named after him. He was a close friend of mine," Heero glared at the man who haunted his dreams at night and plagued his thoughts during the day. "Hee-chan. You know I don't lie. I may run, I may hide, but I never tell a lie. You know that," Duo chided good naturedly. The death glare had ceased to work on him years ago. It had even less of an effect now that he no longer could die. At least not until Heero did. "Don't call me that. Stop pretending to be someone you could have never known. Maybe you don't know who I am, but I'm a professional killer," Heero warned. He didn't know how much more he could take of the onslaught of memories. "Hee-chan. Please. He's giving me another chance to be with you. Please Hee-chan. Don't send me back. I want to stay here with you. I. I thought you didn't love me. That's why I left you. You were going to marry Releena. I love you. I tried to tell you. I really did, but. I didn't want to lose you. Then you told me you were marrying Releena and you wouldn't tell me why. You just said it didn't matter. Why didn't it matter, Heero?" Duo met Heero's eyes. He had finally told him, but was it too late? "It didn't matter because you didn't love me." Heero looked down sadly. "I- I didn't think you loved me. I was always so cold to you." "Oh, Hee-chan!" Duo threw his arms around his fellow ex-pilot. "Ai shiteru Heero. Ai shiteru." "Aishiteru Duo," Heero murmured smiling. "Duo? Who. Who's giving you a second chance?" Heero questioned, finally believing that his Duo had come back to him. "Shinigami. He didn't like me being unhappy when I didn't have to be. He said I had one chance. That was it. I'm glad it worked Hee-chan. I was lonely. I missed you. I missed you so much!" Duo flung himself at Heero wrapping his arms around his neck. "D-Duo? Does that mean Shinigami really was the one that helped you throughout the war?" "Yeah. I uh. Yeah he was. I was his partner. I sorta still am. I'm. I'm immortal now Heero. I'm immortal until you die. Your death will birth my own." "I better live a long time then and make the best of it, ne?" Heero smirked, holding Duo about the waist./hr noshade size=10 width=75%  
  
-~*Owari*~- 


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